Just as soon as I’m finished typing this, I’m going to do the final test on a cole slaw recipe for Living Paleo For Dummies — and I’m somewhat appalled to admit that I have such sucky knife skills, I decided I needed some remedial help to prep the cabbage. I found this video, which I thought was pretty good — and has a completely mystifying, dorky ending that’s worth checking out, just for the “what the F” factor.
While I was searching, I also found this helpful video which seemed slightly more pro and kind of Hell’s Kitchen-esque… which reminded me that I should also confess I have a terrible Hell’s Kitchen problem going on right now. We don’t have cable, so I’ve never watched the show in real time, but Hulu has ensnared me by offering every episode of Hell’s Kitchen since season one. I’ve caught up to season five, and I consume the episodes with the same fervor I used to apply to bags of Doritos.
The signature dish challenge that starts each season! The blindfolded taste test! The whining about the punishments! And I know I shouldn’t love it as I do, but I cannot get enough of Gordon Ramsay yelling so loudly his voice breaks like Bobby Brady singing “Time to Change.” In a recent episode he actually banged his head on the countertop in frustration; I rejoiced!
Just listen to the luscious voice crack at the end of this (well-deserved) tirade:
And woe to the fools who dare take food to the pass without tasting it first. I ask you: how does anyone cook anything without tasting it while they’re making it?!
The over-the-top drama is just all so delicious. There is a not a metaphorical spoon large enough to scoop up all of its awesomeness.
But, in conjunction with my own experiences in the kitchen, the show has made me painfully aware of my abysmal knife skills. I am the slowest, least consistent chopper and slicer ever. Ever. Sometimes I imagine what you good people would think if you saw me at my cutting board, and I actually blush at the thought.
And that’s why I’m pretty sure I’m going to take this Knife Skills 101 class at Whole Foods in a few weeks. I will learn the proper way to hold the knife, and I will practice like that scene in Julie & Julia when Julia Child demolishes a huge pile of onions. I will become a badass of knifery!
So…you think knife throwing is part of the class, too?!
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